I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
