she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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