You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize