hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
