She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
