Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
