Sry I called you an 8
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
