I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
