do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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