We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
