I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
