yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
