Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
