we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
