We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
