just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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