sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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