awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
