apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
