I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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