I'm sorry my penis didn't work
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
