I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
