i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
