i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
