What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
