Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
