you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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