I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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