there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize