All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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