it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
