people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize