She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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