So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
