FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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