I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
