On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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