So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Alive.
So much puke
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
