I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
