went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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