what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
