Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
