Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
