Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
