My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
