Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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