oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
