my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
