You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
