I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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