i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
