Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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