God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
