I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
