The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
