i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
