The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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