tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
