Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
