why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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