The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
