when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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