i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
