You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
