The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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