no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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