I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
