Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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