i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
