hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
