Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize