I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
