its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
