If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
