I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
