FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
