May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
