Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
