awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
