Welp...herpes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
