What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
