i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
