She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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