arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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