at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
