Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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