ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
