also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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