I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it because I queefed?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
