I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
