The maid of honor just puked.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
