When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When are your genitals available?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
