isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
