she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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