Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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