Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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