I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
