im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
