He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
