Got a toothbrush?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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