it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
