Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
