There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
